


not running is an answer, too

by bestboy_boo



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Assistant Vernon, Bodyguard Vernon, Boss/Employee Relationship, Diva Boo Seungkwan, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mutually Tolerant Coworkers to Lovers?, Parent/Child Incest, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Psychological Trauma, Rich Boo Seungkwan, Sassy Boo Seungkwan, seungkwan - Freeform, the "fashion world" but not really, vernon does everything
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25715824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestboy_boo/pseuds/bestboy_boo
Summary: The most important part of Vernon's job description? --- Do not, under any circumstances, let anyone touch Boo Seungkwan.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon
Comments: 22
Kudos: 76





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> my first fic here, pls be nice :) title ripped off from "left and right" lyrics 
> 
> idk?? if?? this needs more trigger warnings?? if the darker parts of this story get into lotsa detail, i'll put trigger warnings at those parts. overall, though, i'm actually going for a more light-hearted feel lol

Thank God Vernon’s vacation starts tomorrow, because Boo Seungkwan is driving him _nuts_.

They’re at a photoshoot right now, at the warehouse behind main headquarters. Ideally, Vernon would just sort of idly stand by, watching Seungkwan bark orders at the other employees as he sat in his VIP chair like royalty, but said man is in one of his moods today.

“Vernon, get me more coffee,” Seungkwan says, so Vernon goes and gets the third iced Americano of the day, at the Starbucks around the corner.

The cashier, knowing Vernon’s face by now, punches in the order before he even gets to the counter. He rushes back with the iced coffee, and Seungkwan holds out his open hand without so much as glancing at him. Vernon’s ready to relax again and settle back into his usual spot, when -

“Can someone bring a fan, it’s so hot in here,” Seungkwan says, and Vernon knows the order is directed at him. So he gets up all over again, finds a fan in the storage room, lugs it over, and turns it so that the air is blowing directly into Seungkwan’s face. Seungkwan, sipping on his iced coffee, shoots him an unamused look. Vernon mouths “oops” and angles the wind to the side.

They should really install some A/C in the warehouse, he thinks. It’s not like the company can’t afford it.

He thinks they’re making some good progress, maybe, when Seungkwan finally approves the photographs from the first two model sets. Usually it takes forever for them to get approved, since Seungkwan’s nitpicky as hell, but for once he’s actually impressed with the team’s work. That approval is especially important these days, since they’re finally beginning to figure out all the pieces for the new Fall 2020 Collection. Vernon half-expects one of those rare, satisfied smiles to appear on his boss’s face, but then Seungkwan checks the agenda again and glares at it.

“Where the hell is our third model? He was supposed to be here exactly _two_ minutes ago.”

“On it,” Vernon mutters. He pulls out his phone and makes some calls.

Ten minutes later, when the model finally arrives and shuffles on the outfit chosen for him, Seungkwan makes a noise of disgust.

“Alright, who thought it would be a good idea for those trousers to be teal, of all the fucking colors on the color wheel? Tell me, _who_.”

Vernon sighs and runs a hand through his hair. He shouldn’t be surprised by anything at this point. “You did, Seungkwan.”

Seungkwan raises an eyebrow in disbelief. “I did?”

He squints at the teal trousers, then at Vernon’s face. Then back at the trousers.

“...Ah. I remember now.” Seungkwan shrugs and moves on to directing the model’s poses.

Finally Seungkwan becomes absorbed into the final photoshoot, discussing technicalities and concepts with the photographers. Vernon checks out and stares absentmindedly at Seungkwan’s outfit. Sitting with his legs crossed, Seungkwan is wearing his favorite suede newsboy hat today.

“You know, I found this lovely hat in the Women’s section of a local business,” Seungkwan once shared, unprompted. “Why was I shopping in the Women’s section, you ask? Because I don’t limit myself to _gendered fashion_.”

He’s styled the hat with a tight-fitted mini blazer (“defines my waist”), long business slacks (“makes my legs look super long, but also professional”), and heeled leather boots (“for a little spice”). As usual, Seungkwan had showed off his outfit piece-by-piece to Vernon first thing that morning, when Vernon routinely drove by his loft to pick him up. It was his personal way of greeting.

In response, Vernon had pointed at his own rainbow tie-dyed T-shirt and ratty jeans. “Hi, Seungkwan. ...These were the first things I saw in my closet today.”

Seungkwan clicked his tongue and replied, “Well, with that face, you’d look decent wearing a trashbag.” Vernon hadn’t really registered the semi-compliment until later, when he was already pulling up to the warehouse.

Now that he’s getting another look at Seungkwan’s outfit, though, it does make his legs look kind of long. Guess his boss knows a thing or two about fashion.

.  
.  
.

If you ask any employee at Boo’s Boutiques Inc., they’ll be able to tell you this:

CEO Boo Seungkwan, 21 years old, only recently shot to the top of the men’s fashion industry. Three years prior, he spearheaded the company that would eventually become a South Korean sensation, by taking part in all steps of the creative process - conceptualizing, designing, producing, and marketing. Just because he’s got fame and recognition now, doesn’t mean he’s stopping any time soon. Never attended college, an unbelievable rags to riches story. A genius.

But more important than anything, CEO Boo values his personal space. Don’t forget, the employees whisper.

The Golden Rule at headquarters? Respect the CEO’s space. What the media are told to heed? _The CEO’s space_.

Chwe Hansol Vernon, also 21 years old, and Boo Seungkwan’s right-hand man. Friendly, patient, and laidback. Never went to college, either. Almost as recognizable as the CEO himself, since he always stands next to the CEO at all work functions. From what the employees observe, Vernon does just about any and every odd job - driving, catering, scheduling, etc. - so that the boss can focus on the creative aspects of his art.

There’s only one thing the employees can’t figure out. Knowing CEO Boo, he would’ve hired a more qualified assistant by now, or several assistants, for all the work that he puts on Vernon’s plate. Why keep Vernon, a man with no qualifications nor fashion sense?

In fact, some employees from the HR Department have begun a secret email chain dedicated solely to this topic:

yoon_jeonghan@boo.com:  
vernon’s pretty hot  
boo gets some wild fashion visions sometimes  
put 2 and 2 together  
vernon is boo’s muse :P

lee_seokmin@boo.com:  
what about this!  
boo has a dark secret that only vernon knows…..  
& vernon is !blackmailing! him for a fat salary :00

kim_mingyu@boo.com:  
Guys I’m trying to work  
Crazy concept, I know

kwon_soonyoung@boo.com:  
bet their just fucing haahahh

yoon_jeonghan@boo.com:  
oh toucheeee

lee_jihoon@boo.com:  
how would that even be possible.  
the dude doesn’t let anyone exist within three feet of him.  
one time he and i were in the elevator at the same time and i think it basically ruined his day

kwon_soonyoung@boo.com:  
ya ya vern is diffrnt

lee_jihoon@boo.com:  
i’ve never seen him shake anyone’s hand  
EVER.  
you really think he could get it on with someone?

lee_seokmin@boo.com:  
i heard vernon makes 150k  
he doesnt even have a degree!! !

hong_jisoo@boo.com:  
Vernon is pretty good at his job, though? I don’t get the suspicion?

kwon_soonyoung@boo.com:  
na my dudes they def fucking

.  
.  
.

Vernon’s thoughts had wandered off a long time ago, so he doesn’t initially think much of the timid girl that approaches, looking panicked. Probably a new intern. She comes closer and closer until Vernon finally realizes that she, for some unknown reason, is heading straight for Seungkwan of all people.

He watches, on guard. “Um, excuse me, Mr. CEO,” she whispers.

Seungkwan doesn’t seem to notice her, so she tries again: “Mr. CEO? CEO Boo? There’s a problem in the changing room and the stylist wants to know if …”

Seungkwan just waves her away as he talks about something with the photographer. Finally, desperate to notify Seungkwan of whatever could be so important, the intern takes the last few steps towards Seungkwan and reaches her hand out, presumably to wave it and get the man’s attention.

Vernon’s there in a flash. The intern blinks at the sudden grip on her wrist, just outside of Seungkwan’s peripheral vision. He brings her hand back down.

Vernon gives her a friendly smile, and she blushes. “Hey, respect his space, remember?” He emphasizes the word _space_. “It’s one of the first things you learned in training.”

She seems to recall, and gasps. “Oh, no - I’m so sorry - I forgot -”

Vernon leads her a safe distance away from Seungkwan and lets go of her wrist. He doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it, especially when Seungkwan looks so stressed with other issues right now.

“It’s okay. Just be thankful he didn’t notice.” She nods and scurries away, forgetting to ask her original question.

Shit, that was a close call. If Seungkwan were paying more attention, Vernon would have definitely gotten an earful.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even on his break, Vernon keeps running into reminders of Seungkwan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *brief mention of suicide near the end

Seungkwan is always softer on the way home - like a burden has been lifted off his shoulders after a day's worth of hard work. If Daylight Seungkwan wears heeled boots, Evening Seungkwan prefers cotton slippers. Vernon would know, because Seungkwan keeps at least one pair of said slippers in the glove department of the car. Apparently, he likes to be as comfortable as possible after work.

Seungkwan plops himself into the passenger seat and stretches, rolling his neck back and forth.

“Hard day?” Vernon asks, settling into the driver’s seat. 

“You ask as if you weren’t there,” Seungkwan says, rolling his eyes. 

“I’m taking that as a yes, then.”

“Wasn’t it obvious? I acted like a complete asshole all day.”

“Glad you know,” Vernon snorts. He starts the engine and begins to back out of the parking lot. Seungkwan glares at him playfully.

“Well, since we both had a hard day today, I suggest we go have some ice cream before you drop me off!” He claps his hands like a kid, as if it were a brilliant idea.

“Ice cream, all of a sudden?” Vernon successfully backs out of the driveway and onto the street.

“You know, to relieve stress! And since your vacation starts tomorrow and all…” His voice tapers off.

“I don’t know,” Vernon shrugs, although he’s already begun to drive in the direction of Seungkwan’s favorite ice cream parlor. “Recently I discovered I might be lactose intolerant…”

Seungkwan pouts. “Vernonnnnnn,” he whines. “I want ice creeeeeammmmmm---”

“Okay, okay, we’ll get ice cream."

Seungkwan perks up again. “I’ll pay!”

“Of course you’re paying,” Vernon deadpans. “I’m not the big-shot millionaire here.”

Satisfied, Seungkwan doesn’t say much more on the way there. He begins to hum a tune and drum his fingers on the side of the cardoor. Recognizing the tune, Vernon hums along, too. At this point, it's almost second nature for Vernon to follow along with Seungkwan, whether its in work, banter, or enjoying the peace of a nice summer evening out.

“I want a strawberry ice cream cone with lots of sprinkles, please,” Seungkwan says cheerfully when Vernon pulls up to the ice cream parlor.

“Will do, your Majesty,” Vernon jokes. He leaves the car quickly to get them both their ice cream. 

While he’s waiting at the counter for their order, having paid with one of Seungkwan’s cards, he looks back at Seungkwan waiting in the car. It’s become habit by now to keep his eyes on Seungkwan, even when he doesn't need to. Seungkwan’s looking out the window, too, but not at Vernon. Vernon follows his gaze until his eyes land on the little playground across the parlor. Even though it’s almost completely dark out by now, there are still a few children on the playground, playing together as their parents watch on.

When Vernon finally gets the two cones and heads back to the car, Seungkwan’s gaze hasn't left the playground. Vernon catches a glimpse of his face, and it’s completely blank. Unreadable. Which is odd, because Vernon can always read Seungkwan.

But when Vernon gets into the car again and hands Seungkwan the ice cream, Seungkwan snaps out of it and claps happily, as though he hadn't been thinking of anything in particular. 

“By the way, I turned on the A/C because it was getting warm in here,” Seungkwan says, licking the sprinkles off his ice cream. Vernon wants to ask why he didn’t just take off his stuffy blazer, but he knows, intuitively, that Seungkwan probably has his reasons. 

Instead, he just nods and eats his own vanilla ice cream cone, and they munch on their treats in comfortable silence. It's kind of nice when Seungkwan's just enjoying something simple like this, Vernon thinks. Seungkwan's got way too much on his plate all the time.

“So, any plans for the week?” Seungkwan eventually asks.

Vernon shrugs. “I’m just gonna spend some time with my family, since I haven’t seen them in a while. It’s Sof’s birthday this week, actually, which is perfect.”

Seungkwan hums. “Tell her I said happy birthday. And if she wants to buy a gift for herself, use my card, will you?”

Sofia, Vernon’s younger sister, is a huge fan of Seungkwan. She claims to get all her 'fashion inspo' from him. 

“I will, thanks. What about you? Are you gonna work while I’m away?”

Seungkwan shakes his head. “Not really. I told the staff to prepare for post-production without me.” 

Vernon nods in approval. Seungkwan should really take more breaks, too. “You’re just going to stay home, then.” 

“Yeah.”

Seungkwan doesn’t explicate further. Vernon momentarily wonders if Seungkwan will be lonely without him.

Vernon works as long as Seungkwan works, which often means overtime. Seungkwan compensates him way more than enough, of course, but Vernon really only gets to hang out with his friends once in a while, and knock out every night at his own apartment. More often than not, they order takeout for dinner at the company, like they did today. And even so, when Vernon’s workday spills over into the outer seams of Seungkwan’s life, like getting ice cream together just because they can, he’s never noticed any sign of Seungkwan having a personal life. Seungkwan has never really talked about his family or friends; he might not have any friends at all, as far as Vernon can tell.

He could just ask, but something tells him that Seungkwan wouldn’t want to talk about it.

They finally finish their ice cream and Vernon starts up the engine again to drive Seungkwan home. Seungkwan falls unusually silent, so Vernon asks, “Anything on your mind?”

“Hm? Nothing much.”

Vernon nods and doesn’t push. A few minutes later, Seungkwan speaks up again.

“Was I being too harsh with the staff today? I was joking about being an asshole earlier, but…”

Vernon knows. He knows that sometimes Seungkwan questions himself, questions the way he partakes in all parts of the creative process way more directly than most higher-ups ever would. That he puts an extreme amount of responsibility on himself, despite his unbelievably young age and relative lack of experience in the industry. Seungkwan might be high-strung, but he does a lot for the company. He doesn’t want to rake in millions of dollars just by bossing his employees around. He wants to work alongside them, _and_ boss them around.

Even if Seungkwan never said a thing, Vernon would know, because he sees it every day.

“Sometimes you do go a little overboard, not gonna lie,” Vernon says. Seungkwan bites his lip.

"But it’s because you genuinely care about your work, and I think that’s way better than a lot of the competitors out there.” Vernon stops the engine, having arrived in front of Seungkwan’s place, and the car quiets down. “Everyone's working for you because they see that and respect that. If they have half a brain, they know not to take your crap personally.” 

Seungkwan cracks a smile. “...Thanks, Vernon.” He gets out of the car. “And not just for trying to reassure me. Like, thanks for everything.”

“Enjoy your week off, okay?” He gives Vernon a little wave before getting distracted by his own reflection in the car window. Vernon snorts as he watches Seungkwan shamelessly check himself out for a second.

Vernon watches Seungkwan finally enter the building before restarting the engine and heading home. Seungkwan doesn’t say thank you very often, but when he does, Vernon can’t help but get a little flustered. It does feel kind of warm in the car, after all.

Of course, that doesn’t mean Vernon will let him get away scot-free. He can’t wait to buy Sofia all the high-end makeup, luxury brand clothing, and fancy pedicures she wants - that’s what Seungkwan gets for making him run to Starbucks a whole six times today.

**.**

yoon_jeonghan@boo.com:

the office is no fun w/o boonon :-(

kwon_soonyoung@boo.com:

well wat bout u n jissoo

hong_jisoo@boo.com:

??

kwon_soonyoung@boo.com:

i said wat i said

kim_mingyu@boo.com:

Actually I’m kinda interested in this topic too

lee_seokmin@boo.com:

whats happening between jeonghan and jisoo? :0

kwon_soonyoung@boo.com:

lol

lee_jihoon@boo.com:

soonyoung you can't just expose ppl like this

what if jeonghan and jisoo aren’t ready to come out yet?

lee_seokmin@boo.com:

i dont get it

what is soonyoung implying?

kwon_soonyoung@boo.com:

oh pls we all gay af

nuthin to hide

lee_seokmin@boo.com:

im gay??

yoon_jeonghan@boo.com:

ok

fine

i admit it

jisoo and i are dating

hong_jisoo@boo.com:

JEONGHAN

kwon_soonyoung@boo.com:

see

kim_mingyu@boo.com:

Wow that was pretty easy

kwon_soonyoung@boo.com:

can we bet on who tops

askin for permissoin bc jihoon gon get mad if i dont

lee_jihoon@boo.com:

..

lee_seokmin@boo.com:

i still dont understand

why do you think im gay :< ?

also how did you know jeonghan and jisoo are dating??

kwon_soonyoung@boo.com:

if u listn closely at lunchtime

the archiv rm makes intREstng noises

kim_mingyu@boo.com:

Ew

hong_jisoo@boo.com:

SOONYOUNG!!!!

kwon_soonyoung@boo.com:

not my falt yall aint quiet

com to thinka iit i alrdy kno who top n bttm

lee_seokmin@boo.com:

whats a top and a bottom???

kwon_soonyoung@boo.com:

dont worry bby

u a switch

lee_jihoon@boo.com:

seokmin, don’t listen to him

he has no idea what he's talking about

kwon_soonyoung@boo.com:

haha ur a bottm

lee_jihoon@boo.com:

okay hold on just because i’m not a beanpole like mingyu doesn’t mean i automatically bottom

kwon_soonyoung@boo.com:

not cuz u short, hun

cuz u anal

get it??

hahaahaaaaaaaaaa

hong_jisoo@boo.com:

I’ll choke him for you, Jihoon

Going over to his cubicle right now

kwon_soonyoung@boo.com:

oo kinky ;)

lee_seokmin@boo.com:

im still confused :(

**.**

“I came home to get some rest, not deal with Seungkwan 2.0,” Vernon groans.

“C’mon, Vern, it’s my birthday! You can shop for just one more hour, can’t you?” Sofia rolls her eyes and drags her brother to the next store.

They’ve been at the mall for the last three hours, and Vernon’s arms are getting tired from holding all of Sofia’s stuff. He wonders if there’s something about him that attracts spoiled brats.

“Fine, but we're going home in exactly an hour. Mom and Dad are making your favorite lasagna for dinner.”

Vernon stands around some more in Sephora and Victoria’s Secret before they make their last stop at the mall’s newest installment. He looks up at the sparkling sign - _Boo’s Boutique_ \- and sighs. Should’ve known. His job follows him wherever he goes.

Sofia squeals. “Kwannie oppa’s new mini-boutique just opened up here! I’ve been waiting forever to visit it."

“Sof, Boo’s Boutique is a men’s fashion label.”

Sofia glares at him. “Do you think I care? Why can’t girls look at men’s clothes?”

Vernon feels a vague sense of dejavu.

“Oppa himself says that fashion isn’t limited by gender.”

Okay, no wonder.

“How do you know what Seungkwan says, Sof? You’ve met him, like, three times.”

Sofia rolls her eyes.

“We text, dummy,” she says, lifting up her phone so he can clearly see the contact saved as _Kwannie Oppa <3 _.

Vernon gapes. “What the hell? You guys _text_? Do you guys talk about me behind my back or something?”

“Oh, don’t flatter yourself, Vern. I just ask Kwannie about the latest fashion trends so I can get a headstart. Did you know polka dots are coming back into style? Tiny polka dots, though, not big ones.”

Vernon doesn’t even bother anymore. “Let’s just go inside, Sof.” 

They enter the store and Vernon recognizes a lot of the designs on the racks. Sofia quickly heads towards the outerwear section, and returns just as fast with the coat she's picked out.

It’s a sky blue pea coat, lined with a muted rosewood-pink stripe and the classic Boo’s collar cut. Vernon remembers Seungkwan fighting with the designers over the color combination, especially on the stripe. Charcoal gray almost won instead, but Seungkwan had insisted on rosewood-pink. Vernon had personally thought it was a pretty insignificant detail to fight over - he didn't even know there were multiple types of pink before he began working for Boo's Boutiques. It’s weird to see Sofia holding the same coat now, asking him to buy it for her.

“I’ve been dying to get this coat, it’s so _soft_.”

The sales rep at the counter rings up the coat, and it turns out to be a whopping 729 dollars. Vernon stares at the price. He’s using Seungkwan’s card, but still.

“I don’t remember Seungkwan selling his soul to capitalism,” he mutters as he hands over the card.

Sofia rolls her eyes for the thousandth time that day. “Vern, it’s just this coat in particular that’s pricey as hell. Kwannie oppa’s donating 98 percent of the proceeds to charities that find housing for homeless LGBTQ youth. All the rich kids at my school are getting this coat so they can show solidarity, or something.” She mutters something about ‘fake woke’ under her breath.

Vernon processes the info. “How do you know that?”

“If you ever read anything about the latest fashion news, you would know, Vern. There was a lot of media coverage about it a few weeks ago. Oppa has been doing a lot of philanthropy work for foster kids and children raised by single moms, too. Isn’t that super cool?”

“Oh. Yeah. That is pretty cool.” Vernon had no idea.

“Seems like there’s a lot you don’t know about Kwannie oppa,” Sofia casually remarks, and Vernon hates to admit it, but she’s right. 

**.**

It’s only day 1 away from the office and Seungkwan is already bored.

He’s cleaned out all the out-of-season items in his walk-in closet, tried every strange flavor of Pocky that he had left in his pantry, and caught up on all the recent stock market predictions. He experimented with new color combinations of eye shadow and lip tint. He even sharpened up on his English and Japanese language skills, as proficient as he already is. That’ll come in handy when he’s handling business deals overseas, if Boo’s Boutiques ever gets to that point. 

“I’m just too smart,” he says out loud, interrupting the empty silence.

Who cares? He can talk to himself if he wants. Maybe he should start teaching himself Chinese while he’s at it.

He resigns to rolling around on the sofa. Seungkwan loves the feeling of sinking into the plush, purple velvet that upholsters his furniture. He’s addicted to soft material and quality textiles on his skin.

He considers calling his little brother, but Chan’s been giving him the cold shoulder lately. It’s probably just puberty, Seungkwan hopes. 

“Chan doesn’t hate me, right?” he asks the delicate chandelier above him.

“Of course not, Seungkwannie. You’re a good hyung,” he answers himself in a high-pitched voice. Is that what a chandelier is supposed to sound like? He’s definitely going nuts. But now that he thinks about it, that ceiling is definitely too high for one person. Does he really need this much empty space?

He can’t really go outdoors, either, because people always recognize his face from the papers and want to get a picture with him or something. _The youngest success story in modern fashion_. He likes the way it sounds, but he hates it when strangers actually approach him about it. When strangers approach him at all. There's always the risk that someone will get just a little too close.

God, this is why he can’t do anything without Vernon keeping watch on him 24/7. Should he hire a substitute assistant to split Vernon’s workload? He makes a mental note: tell Vernon to find and hire another assistant.

His stomach grumbles, and Seungkwan realizes he hasn’t eaten anything all day, besides the Pocky. He figures he should get something delivered.

“You can just leave the food outside the front door,” Seungkwan says over the phone, and when he hangs up, he feels just the slightest bit pathetic. 

By day 6, not much has changed. Seungkwan has resorted to lying on the marble floor and staring at the ceiling in apathy. Vernon always says that taking a break now and then is good for his health, but all Seungkwan feels is restlessness. He wants to go back to work already and move on with post-production.

He’s about to wash up and go to bed, thankful the day is finally over, when his phone rings. Nobody ever just calls Seungkwan unless it's for business, so he’s kind of surprised when he checks the caller ID and sees “Chan”.

“Chan?"

“Hyung,” his little brother chokes from the other end. That's strange, too, because Chan is usually level-headed and calm, even in the worst of situations.

“...What’s wrong?” Seungkwan says.

“It-it’s Dad.”

“Why, what about him? What happened? You’re scaring me, Chan.”

 _Don’t call him Dad_ , Seungkwan wants to say, but he doesn’t. 

There’s a long silence on the other end. Seungkwan has a bad feeling in his gut. He’s had that bad feeling in his gut for a pretty long time, actually - ever since he was 11 years old, to be exact.

"Chan?"

“He's… he’s gone.”

Seungkwan stops breathing.

“What did you just say, Chan? I don’t think I heard right.”

“Dad’s _d-dead,_ hyung. He hung himself when no-one was looking, a few hours ago, in, i-in his cell. The police just called Mom."

Seungkwan's thoughts begin to race. Chan says some other stuff, too, but he doesn’t really catch any of it. The man is dead? But why? Is it because of him? Will the media catch onto this? Is his mom and Chan okay? Is he really dead?

Suddenly his vision is swimming with black spots. There’s a sharp pain throbbing in the back of his head, overwhelming and scary. He has to remind himself to breathe and stay conscious.

“Chan? Hey, sorry - Hyung's gotta go. I’ll call you back, okay? Okay…”

“Hyung? Wait--” 

Seungkwan fumbles for the “end call” button on his phone. His head aches, and he slumps down to the floor.

Maybe staying still for a bit will make the pain go away, he thinks. Breathe, breathe. ( _It hurts, it hurts, it really hurts!...)_

“My head hurts so much,” he tells the air after a while. "Why won't it stop hurting?"

He’s met with nothing but silence, which shouldn't be surprising, but the silence stings all the same.

**.**

Vernon spends the last day of his vacation visiting Minghao and Junhui. The two are in their junior year of college now, renting their own apartment together near the college campus. Vernon doesn't get to see them as much as he likes, since their college is a bit farther than he's used to driving.

The three have been close since middle school, back when their classmates bullied Vernon for being a halfer and the two Chinese transfer students for not speaking fluent Korean. Kids can really suck sometimes.

“What’s up, dude?” Minghao says, opening the door. “It’s been a while.” 

“Sorry, been busy with work and all,” Vernon says, lifting his hand to show Minghao the plastic bag in his hand. “I brought snacks?”

“Is that Vernon?!” Junhui’s voice comes through, muffled, and they hear a loud _thud_ before Junhui emerges from his bedroom with a bruise on his forehead. “I got too excited,” Junhui says sheepishly. Vernon laughs. He’s missed these two, and he’d almost forgotten just how cozy their place was.

They spend some time catching up, Vernon talking about his working life, Minghao and Junhui talking about college and their current classes. Minghao is an Education major, and Junhui is currently trying out East Asian Studies. Vernon wonders what his life would look like right now if he’d chosen to go to college, too. He’s still only 21 years old, and the only reason he’s making a living at all is because he hit jackpot with Seungkwan. Normally, nobody would hire someone like him, with no qualifications whatsoever.

Back when he told his parents that he didn’t want to go to college, they totally flipped. But Vernon had no particular reason to go to college. He wasn’t interested in studying anything. He was never really good at anything, never stood out in school. 

At first, he had worked a ton of odd jobs, trying to figure out what he was good at; he was a bartender for a few months, but he got tired of all the excessive flirting and groping. He tried to tutor kids in English, but he found that none of the kids really wanted to learn. He even volunteered full-time at a cat shelter for a bit, but he quickly developed an allergy to the cats. Nothing ever worked out. Only when he started to make 150k with lots of benefits, thanks to Seungkwan, did his parents get off his back.

So yeah, Vernon doesn’t really know what he wants to do with his life. For now, he's just going with the flow, but he can't do that forever.

He ends up summarizing his quarter-life existential crisis to Minghao and Junhui while they compete to win Mario Kart. 

“You know, it’s not too late to go to college,” Junhui offers, making a steep U-turn.

“I know, I just -- I want to know what I’m interested in before I pay an arm and a leg for college.” Vernon rubs a hand over his face in frustration.

Minghao shrugs. “First of all, you have the savings to pay for college and you know it." Vernon gives him that point. Seungkwan pays him way too much, if he's being honest.

"Second of all, a lot of people figure it out _during_ college. Look at Junhui, he’s changed his major a bajillion times. I mean, what you’re doing right now is fine, too, but you don’t have to be _absolutely certain_ about something just to try it out.”

Vernon thinks about it and lets Minghao's car pass his own in the game. “But what do I try out? I feel like I’ve explored so many things already, and it's never led me anywhere."

“Isn’t there anything else you’re curious about? Forget passion, and talent, and all that. Isn’t there anything you just want to learn a little more about?”

For some reason, Vernon suddenly remembers the strange, empty look on Seungkwan’s face when he was looking at the playground. He wonders what that was all about. And then he thinks about the fact that Seungkwan never wears anything shorter than long-sleeved tops and long pants, even though it's late summer right now and sweltering hot during the day. And then, there's the biggest question of all - why Seungkwan ever needed to hire Vernon in the first place.

Of all things, that's what Vernon is curious about, even though it won't help him find his calling in life.

Then he realizes that Minghao is still waiting to hear an answer.

“...I don’t know, Hao. I gotta think about it some more.” 

Junhui has tuned them out a long time ago, and he's the first one to pass the finish line. "Yes!!!" he yells, throwing his hands up in the air.

Vernon sighs and puts his game controller down. There's one thing he _does_ feel certain of: he has been spending way too much time around his boss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i say lighthearted lol? clearly i have no idea what that means
> 
> lmk what you think so far in the comments! (or constructive criticism! i want to improve my writing :3)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungkwan's past begins to catch up to him.

Presently, at the Incheon City Hotel, large conference hall on the second floor, in the men's bathroom to the left. It's 1:18pm on a Wednesday, some time after the official networking event has ended. Most of the invitees have filtered out of the now empty conference hall, but if you listen closely, there are two voices left behind, echoing from the men's bathroom.

_“---_ Get the _fuck_ _away_ from me!” the first voice gasps. Heavy breaths. 

“Woah, woah, it’s just me,” the second voice says, calm and controlled.

And even if nothing but silence follows, you can still feel it in the air: thisis a panic attack. Or is it a nightmare? It's not quite clear.

"Seungkwan? Can you hear me?" the second voice finally tries again.

But maybe that's escalated a little too quickly. Let's rewind a few days, shall we? 

.

.

.

Sunday 10:56PM

Seungkwan:  
What’s the deal this week 

Vernon:  
[screenshot attached]  
Basically a bunch of networking events in Gangnam, Cheongdam, and then Incheon to fish for sponsorships. Then Fashion Week runway rehearsal on Th & F

Seungkwan:  
K  
Don’t forget it’s Nail week too

Vernon:  
Yeah yeah  
Question tho  
Why do you text Sof emojis but not to me

Seungkwan:  
Why do you ask

Vernon:  
Idk I just feel slightly betrayed

Seungkwan:  
Sending emojis to my assistant would be unprofessional

Vernon:  
You beg me to get dessert with you after work  
Like every other day

Seungkwan:  
Technicalities

.

At first, Seungkwan feels perfectly fine.

It's Monday morning and things seem to fall back into the usual. Seungkwan’s been waiting out in the front for a few minutes, diligently doing his facial exercises to calm down his bloated cheeks, when a freshly-rested Vernon pulls up.

When Vernon rolls the window down and tells him to get in, Seungkwan sticks his hand out for Vernon to get a glimpse of his new sparkling grayscale nails. It’s Networking Week, aka unofficial Nail Week, which is code for ‘the secret agenda to coerce Vernon into full glam nail decoration.’

“Cute,” Vernon offers. 

Seungkwan lifts an eyebrow. “Cute? I spent like, two fucking hours on this.” He flips his hands around so he can look at them himself, and frowns.

“Sorry, did I say cute? I meant blindingly gorgeous, bedazzling, uh, unbelievably _gray_ -”

“Oh, save it,” Seungkwan rolls his eyes. “Now show me what you did with your nails.”

Fast forward an endless morning of nonstop handshaking, fancy refreshments, and polite smiles later, they’ve settled into an unofficial routine:

  1. Seungkwan approaches a potential sponsor.
  2. Vernon shakes the potential sponsor’s hand, and then quickly recedes into the background.
  3. Seungkwan charms the sponsor's pants off via fake laughter and subtle self-advertising.
  4. Vernon dutifully hands Seungkwan's business card to the now-sponsor.
  5. Rinse and repeat.



It’s well-known among those in the industry that Seungkwan doesn’t let anyone’s hands near him, so most of the sponsors accept his personal assistant’s handshakes good-naturedly. The more famous/important/successful you are, Seungkwan has learned, the more tolerance people suddenly have for your quirks.

(“But I’m not the weirdest,” he once tried to convince Vernon. “Have you ever heard of Mina Myoi? The fashion designer? She doesn’t accept any interviews unless she gets to bring her pet parakeet and pet iguana for support.”

“Eh, you’re definitely weirder.”)

At some point, Seungkwan finds himself sweet-talking a potential gold mine of a sponsor, a kindly looking Mrs. Song, the head representative of Seoul's largest competitive sports center. She's nodding along at his description of his future business ventures, and if all goes well, she could probably get a Boo's promotion put up along the center's indoor space. These days, a lot of casual sports viewers get sucked into the jewelry and luxury fashion brands subtly plugged into their viewing experience.

She's receptive to his ideas, and Seungkwan would really, really like this offer.

"You're such a young man, and yet already so achieved," Mrs. Song says enviously. "I have a son, only a few years younger than you, but all he does is read manga and play games. I should bring him along sometime so he can learn a few things from you," she jokes. 

Seungkwan chuckles along. "Go easy on him, Mrs. Song. Most young people aren't as precocious as I am." She chortles good-naturedly.

In reality, if you'd told 16-year-old Seungkwan that he'd one day be promoting a seasonal fashion collection under his own name to the most influential benefactors in the industry, he'd have never believed it. He could never have predicted standing under these tall ceilings with the obligatory chandelier glittering above, blending in with his own expensive suit and tie, accustomed to the air of dignified chatter. In fact, as long as he got to serve refreshments to the major-league players in the industry, he probably would've been content to become a nameless waiter.

He doesn't really know how he came this far. Sometimes, he still doesn't believe it. Sure, he's relatively smart and passionate about innovating fashion, but who isn't, around here? It must've been a stroke of extraordinarily good luck for him to have gotten to this point.

It's only when Mrs. Song takes a second to get another cocktail that Seungkwan allows himself a big exhale and peeks back at Vernon, looking for some sign of support. Instead, like the ideal assistant he is, Vernon is passively entertaining himself by trying odd combinations of refreshments. Seungkwan eye-rolls internally. The guy is disgustingly good-looking, even with crumbs stuck to his chin.

It's not fair - Seungkwan spends an entire hour in the morning to get ready, while Vernon probably takes, like, ten minutes. And he still looks like _that_.

Vernon suddenly looks up from his stupid cheese-shrimp-grape combo and makes direct eye contact with Seungkwan. Obviously Vernon can't read his thoughts, and besides, Seungkwan has never hidden his opinion on Vernon's face, but a blush still rises up Seungkwan's neck. He quickly averts his eyes and turns back to Mrs. Song.

If Seungkwan has already exceeded his own wildest expectations, where will he be another 5 years from now? Will he, again, reach a place that he can't yet imagine?

(In 5 years, will Vernon still be around?)

They go for late-night ddukbokki afterwards to celebrate a relatively successful first day. At the makeshift outdoor table next to the food stall, Vernon ends up accidentally dripping some of the red spicy sauce on Seungkwan's expensive pants. Seungkwan yelps and instinctively flings a fish cake directly at Vernon's face.

It explodes into a full-on, messy food fight, filled with dumb giggles and shrieking, until the irked ddukbokki ahjussi yells at them to go home. They promptly clean up after themselves as best as possible, politely apologize, and pay the ahjussi a fat tip.

On the way home, Seungkwan can't stop making fun of the sauce dripping down Vernon's hair. Vernon points out Seungkwan's equally ruined outfit; Seungkwan lets Vernon know that he will be personally responsible for getting it professionally dry-cleaned later, and Vernon shuts up at that, muttering under his breath.

But to be honest? Seungkwan couldn't care less about his suit. It's not often that he feels this free.

.

Seungkwan begins to feel just slightly burnt out by Wednesday. He enjoys rubbing shoulders (figuratively, not literally) with other Important People, sure, but even the most extraverted of people would begin to feel fatigued.

But it's okay - he can power through for one more day. There's only a few more sponsors that he's got his eye on, anyway.

One of those sponsors is Mr. Ahn, one of the invisible but looming figures in the fashion industry. He's a huge, behind-the-scenes multimillionaire investor in some of Korea's most sensational fashion lines, including Style Tanda and 9seconds, and for some reason, despite his older generation's seeming lack of touch with recent trends, Mr. Ahn has got a real knack for supporting fashion lines that will attract the most consumers. If Seungkwan can get a good word from Mr. Ahn, and possibly even a hint at a future investment, he'd be hitting jackpot.

While driving to the Incheon City Hotel, Vernon must pick up on Seungkwan's growing anxiety. Maybe it's his obnoxious knee bouncing that gives him away. 

"You have nothing to worry about, Seungkwan. It'll be fine," Vernon says.

"Yeah, I know," Seungkwan mumbles. "I just really, really want his support. It'd guarantee a bright future for the company, you know what I mean?"

When they finally arrive, Vernon stops the engine and looks at him closely, frowning.

"What?" Seungkwan says.

"Your dark circles have been super intense lately. Haven't you been sleeping?"

Actually, no, Seungkwan hasn't really been sleeping. Funny thing - ever since Chan first called about their ex-stepdad's sudden death, he's been getting nightmares and waking up in a sweat. He's not really up for thinking too hard about that stuff right now, though, much less explain the details of his melodramatic family history to his assistant.

So he just makes up a shitty excuse. "I.. ran out of my under-eye concealer this morning."

Which is a complete lie, he has like three layers of concealer on right now. Seungkwan - 0, dark circles - 1. 

Vernon looks unconvinced, so Seungkwan changes the subject. "Also, when we get there, can you stop playing with the refreshments, for God's sake? Haven't you tried enough gross combinations of cheese plus whatever?"

Vernon shrugs. "What else am I supposed to do, listen to you talk about your endless good qualities for three hours straight?"

"Excuse me, is that sarcasm I hear?"

"..Maybe?"

Seungkwan crosses his arms and frowns. "I've spoiled you too much."

In any case, Seungkwan finds himself about an hour into the event and somehow, by the graces of Coco Chanel and Yves Saint Laurent above, approached by the one man himself.

"Is that Boo Seungkwan-shi, the man they call the rising pioneer of fashion? I've been meaning to introduce myself," Mr. Ahn extends a kindly smile and a hand towards him. Behind that smile, of course, is a gold mine of possible connections and investments.

Vernon comes in at his cue and takes Mr. Ahn's hand, giving it a firm shake. Mr. Ahn looks momentarily taken aback, but then he seems to recall something about Seungkwan's reputation, because he takes the handshake in stride. 

"It's an honor, Mr. Ahn," Seungkwan smiles with as much charm as he can muster. "I've heard so much about you."

"Is that so?" the man chuckles. "Well, what have you heard about me?..."

And Seungkwan goes into autopilot, doing his best to get into the man's good graces like his life depends on it. As per usual, Vernon recedes into the background, probably entertaining himself with God knows what. 

\- But it's only about ten minutes into the conversation when Seungkwan begins to feel a little strange, and maybe he really should've done something about those nightmares, because the lack of sleep is _not_ helping him right now. The lights feel too bright for his tired eyes, and the clinking wine glasses nearby are starting to give him a headache, and wow, this is really not the best time for a migraine.

Nonetheless, he tries to focus on what Mr. Ahn is saying, something about the role of Korea in the international fashion industry. He tries not to get distracted by the fact that Mr. Ahn is a little closer than Seungkwan would prefer, and that he even pats Seungkwan's shoulder now and then, when he light-heartedly approves of something Seungkwan says.

It's not like this hasn't happened before - the older figures at these networking functions tend to disregard personal space sometimes. It's a generational thing. Besides, Mr. Ahn seems well-intentioned enough - just a little too comfortable in his own middle age and forgetful of Seungkwan's particular boundaries.

It's nothing Seungkwan can't swallow down in the name of Boo's Inc.'s future, even if it feels like his skin might as well burst into flames.

"By the way, Seungkwan-shi, I've been meaning to ask who your right-hand man is," Mr. Ahn asks, pointing his chin in Vernon's direction. 

"Ah, yes. That's my personal assistant, Chwe Vernon. He's been with me for over a year now." Vernon must have noticed that he is currently the topic of conversation, because he stops nibbling on his grapes and stays still. 

Mr. Ahn nondiscretely looks Vernon up and down, and Seungkwan just knows that he's either going to: A) suggest Vernon, with all his shiningly good looks, try modeling for one of these fashion labels, or B) make some offhand racialized comment.

"He'd make a great model for some online fashion stores," Mr. Ahn says. "Since he's in the industry already, has he considered sending in his photo to 9seconds?" Ah, option A it is.

Mr. Ahn leans in just a little closer than Seungkwan is comfortable with, and continues lowly - "Also, just a word of advice, my boy, but these foreigners never stay in Korea for very long. You're better off in the long run hiring Korean nationals." Well, would you look at that. He got option B down, too.

Seungkwan glances back at Vernon who has clearly heard everything, judging from the barely masked look of resignation on his face - as though he's used to comments like that.

Now, the rational part of Seungkwan says, this is a really important potential sponsor that even he himself has endured twenty minutes of nausea-inducing shoulder pats for, and if Seungkwan corrected him, all that effort could go to waste.

Seungkwan knows that. Vernon knows that. In normal circumstances, neither of them would hold people like Mr. Ahn, who has power and money and influence, accountable.

But the thing is, Seungkwan has a really bad dizzy headache coming on, and his skin feels irritated, and he's running on maybe thirty minutes of real sleep. His ex-stepdad just took the easy way out and died on him, when really he should've spent another twenty years rotting in prison, and last but not least, Boo Seungkwan does _not_ fucking stand for racist micro-aggressive comments. 

So Seungkwan puts on his most artificial, cold smile, and says, “Sorry, Mr. Ahn. I checked out for a second there. Come again?"

Mr. Ahn chuckles. “I just meant to say, in my experience, foreign employees end up quitting after just a year or so. If you'd like, I can recommend some recent fashion school graduates I know who would make great assistants."

Seungkwan keeps smiling. “That might be true, Mr. Ahn, but Vernon isn't a foreigner. He's a Korean citizen who's lived here all his life."

Mr. Ahn frowns, like he doesn't appreciate the correction or even believe him.

So Seungkwan continues, "Well, thanks for letting me know anyways, Mr. Ahn. I'm glad to have avoided a sponsorship from an old prejudiced douchebag before it was too late. Have a good day.”

Seungkwan turns on his heels so that he can escape and wait for the dizziness to pass. But before he can leave, Mr. Ahn stops Seungkwan in his tracks by, again, putting a god damn _hand on his shoulder._

“Excuse me, Seungkwan-shi? Do you realize the weight of what you've just dared to call me?"

He freezes. It's been a long time since anyone used that irritated tone with him - _reprimanded_ him. Suddenly the hand on his shoulder feels like it could crush him with the slightest force.

Vaguely he registers Vernon's voice interrupting in the background, saying something to Mr. Ahn before the hand on his shoulder is miraculously pulled away. His vision is swimming, and suddenly the memories are coming back to him in full force, and before Seungkwan can have a full-on panic attack in public, he drags his feet in the general direction of the bathroom and hopes he makes it there.

.

.

.

_There's carpet underneath him, he’ll get carpet burn, but the man above him doesn't seem to care._

_Seungkwan can’t open his mouth, can’t speak, his voice is stuck in his throat and he barely knows what his own body feels like anymore. All he's aware of is the other presence above him, and it's bile instead of his voice that rises up his throat._

_It's when the man descends that he suddenly feels terrible, excruciating pain, and even though the pain is familiar it somehow feels new again, like this is his first time feeling it. It never gets old. It always hurts in a different way._

_He wants to yell, scream, just this once. If only he could use his voice right now. If only he could tell this man to -_

_“_ Get the fuck _away_ from me!” Seungkwan gasps. It's hard to breathe.

“Woah, woah it’s just me," a voice says, but it's distant and hard to hear. 

It's hard to breathe, and it's hard to see anything other than the carpet of the apartment that he used to live in back in middle school, and he feels that same old pain deep in his gut. He clenches his shirt and tries to breathe. 

Wait, shirt? 

And then Seungkwan realizes that he's fully clothed, and the floor underneath him is, in fact, made up of cold marbled tiles rather than carpet. It's almost too good to be true.

"Seungkwan? Can you hear me? It's Vernon," the voice says again.

Someone is crouching in front of him, but not too close. A familiar voice, calm and comforting, and a familiar face. The haze lifts and he finds himself staring at Vernon. There's something unreadable in Vernon's expression, but Seungkwan doesn't dwell on it.

More importantly, what the hell just happened to him?

Before Seungkwan can think too hard about it, a second wave of nausea overcomes him. He crawls into one of the stalls and promptly throws up into the toilet bowl. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :0?  
> it somehow got more angsty more quickly than i thought but i'm just going with the flow? i? guess??
> 
> yes, seungkwan's got Psychological Issues Yet To Be Named. my fledgling amateur self of a writer is trying my best to portray it as realistically as possible, go easy on me


End file.
